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March 26, 2002

One Big Rant

I've been trying to decide what this blog is supposed to be all about. I'd like to find a nice balance between the introspective and the trite. If I had more time, I would write more Misc. Ramblings, but I don't. I have a couple in the works, including a vulgar rant about (not) getting my passport (along with an insightful critique of the lack of communication between the federal and provincial governments). I'm also working on the first of a series of Spam Reviews.

Basically I don't want this site to be an account of what kind of sandwich I ate that day, or how much I love Abby on ER. I want people to read my site, then say to themselves "That Chris guy sure sounds smart. And funny. Man, I'd love to be his friend." Either that, or have me committed.

So, what's my point? It's hard to find a direction for this site, when I can't even think of a good title. So I think I'm going with One Big Rant for a title. My Internet identity crisis is soon over. Now if only someone could cook up a nice title graphic for the site...

00:00 | Blog

March 23, 2002


Here's a list so far of rejected titles for this website (yes, I'm actually still looking for a title, albeit not trying very hard. Help me.):

101 Damnations
Witty? Yes. Cute? Perhaps. It feels a little too tongue-in-cheek. Like my website is so bad not only do I bash Disney, but I deserve to be sent to hell. I don't think of myself as a devil of some sort, nor do I think of this website as such a damnable thing to sentence me to an eternity of hellish torture (NOTE: Do not click the preceding link).
Natural Log
Just because I'm in math, doesn't mean I like to flaunt it. For those of you non-mathies reading this, the natural log of a number x is the log base e of x. Got that? According to Dr.Math it's called "natural" because "...e just naturally shows up again in growth problems, and in some statistics problems too...". I don't know about statistics problems, but I didn't see much e when I was having problems growing up. Maybe that was part of the problem...
The Lyon's Den
No. Besides, it's already taken by some girl from California who calls herself The Lyonesse. She also likes monster trucks.
The I Love Froggies Page
Sorry Ang.

00:00 | Blog

March 20, 2002


How about this for a title: One Big Rant. Sorta sums up my whole life up to this point, doesn't it?

00:00 | Blog

March 19, 2002


This has been a bad week for me with respect to gifts. A few days ago the antenna broke off my cell phone. Luckily for me, Ang (who bought it for me for Christmas) bought a 4-year extended warrantee with it, so we took it back to the shop from which Ang purchased it.

Shopkeep: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Yes. My phone broke under warrantee and I'd like you to fix it."
Shopkeep: "What's the problem?"
Me: "The antenna broke off. See?"
Shopkeep: "Oh. Well, the warrantee doesn't cover physical damage."
Me: "What? What does it cover then?"
Shopkeep: "It covers manufacturers defects."
Me: "Well how do you know the antenna wasn't defective and that's why it broke?"
Shopkeep: (walking down imaginary stairs) "I'm needed in the basement."

I got a similar response from Bell World. It will cost me $20 to replace the antenna. I think I'll pass.

That's not all. This morning I played squash with John. Right away I noticed a strange feeling when I hit the ball. My birthday racquet is broken. The frame is cracked along one side. It's a brand new racquet! Upon closer examination I found a sticker on the handle that read "Because of the violent nature of the sport, this racquet is not guaranteed against breakage."

What?! Surprise surprise, companies are not looking out for the interests of their consumers. Ship a shoddy product, slap a disclaimer on it and charge for a warrantee. Oh, the product broke? Read the fine print. We're off the hook. Have a nice day.

00:00 | Rant

March 18, 2002

Khursed Khakis

I think everyone has one cursed article of clothing. You know the one. That white sweater, that funny T-shirt, the jeans that fit just right. For me, it's a pair of Gap khakis. It never fails; the day after laundry day I wear my nice clean khakis. Within hours of getting dressed I manage to get them dirty. Not just a little dirty, we're talking a saucy meatball dropping onto my lap, or soya sauce splash-back. A stain that's noticeable. I don't have the heart to throw it back into the hamper after only one wear, so I optimistically throw them onto the back or a chair (or usually the floor) and re-examine them the next day.

Oh, it's not that bad (brushes caked-on mud from pants). Who ever looks at my knees anyway?

But I couldn't face the accusing eyes of my peers on Friday when they see the grease stain from the breakfast burrito I ate Monday. So into the hamper with ye!

At this rate, I will have gotten 30 good wears out of them before the washing machine turns their sweatshop-quality stitching into rags.

00:00 | Rant

March 17, 2002

St Paddy's Day

It's funny how people celebrate cultural and religious holidays and festivals when there's something to gain. St Patrick's Day is a prime example. How many people actually know who St Patrick was? How many stout atheists are out there drinking it up today? How many people who bad mouth Christianity for sending missionaries to convert native peoples from their religions to Christianity are drinking in the name of the Catholic saint who converted Ireland from Druidism to Christianity?

Nah, it's just an excuse to get shit-faced, it has nothing to do with religion, right?

Don't even get me started on Easter and Christmas. I bet if the gifts weren't so crappy, most athiests would be celebrating the eight days of Hanukah for the presents family aspect.

00:00 | Rant

March 13, 2002

Blog Stalked!

I'm sure you've all read my Blog Stalker rambling. If you haven't, then this entry will make little sense. Oh hell, it's pretty weak even if you do know what I'm talking about. Anyway...

I seem to have a Blog Stalker of my own. Apparently the girl Ryan is currently seeing (dare I say his girlfriend?) has been taking it upon herself to learn a little bit more about him, so she did what any Information-Age citizen would do: she looked him up on the web. She came across Ryan and my horribly outdated online journal from Japan. Any of you who have ever read it knows that Ryan lost interest in contributing about halfway though, but I courageously continued, telling the world of the evils of Hello Kitty, and to beware of Japanese toilets.

It appears she is captivated by my, shall we say "unique" writing abilities and has been reading all about my adventures. Now that was all well and good until I met her the other day. According to Ryan, she's usually a friendly chatty person, but not yesterday. When Ryan saw me and waved me over from across the Math C&D, she immediately became flustered and covered her face with her hands (lest I recognize her? I've never seen her before!). She barely said two words to me the entire time I was there. She is now an "acquaintance", in the loosest sense. I don't know anything about her, but she knows a lot about me. She has become my Blog Stalker. She may even be reading this blog right now...

00:00 | Blog

March 11, 2002

Grad Shmad

I was informed today that my picture was in the 2002 Grad Slide Show. I didn't know such a slide show existed, let alone one featuring my likeness. Apparently the photo came from a girl on the yearbook committee who asked to take pictures of this year's grads. Since I'm technically graduating in 2002 (December) I let her take my picture. Then she asked what program I was in. I told her I was in CS. She seemed exasperated and informed me that I was the nth CS person she photographed in this building, as if it were somehow my fault. Where was everyone else? Probably not in the UNIX computer lab in the Math & Computers building, I told her. Oh, right.

00:00 | School


So I guess I should sign my Intent to Graduate form before December. I love that name: Intent to Graduate. It's like they're giving you one last chance to fail. "Well I failed all my courses in my 4B term. At least I told the university about my intention to graduate in December. That's what really counts, right?"

The answer is no.

00:00 | School

March 10, 2002

Where's The Jug?

Yesterday Vanessa filmed her movie about the seven deadly sins, with yours truly as Gluttony. My character had to go to a bar, get really drunk, puke on someone and get thrown in bed by his angry girlfriend. To help me get into character, Vanessa supplied me with all the beer I could drink. And I did. By the end of the night I had polished off more than my share of the keg and I was feeling great.

Since the movie was based on a 14th century piece of literature, there were some strange lines we had to say. My first line was "Where's the jug?". In response to my character farting, one person says "That was one hell of a bum-bone blast!" You can't beat classical literature.

00:00 | Stuff

March 5, 2002

Thanks Rick

Vanessa is filming a movie this weekend for one of her classes. The main characters are personifications of the seven deadly sins. I was chosen to be Gluttony. I asked Rick, Vanessa's boyfriend, why I got chosen and not, say, Ryan, who has been known to eat 2 litres of ice cream in one sitting. He told me that Ryan just didn't look enough like a glutton. I was about to agree before I realized I had just been insulted.

00:00 | Stuff