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March 10, 2004
We Don't Need No Stinking Badges
At Microsoft, security is pretty tight. Employees are required to carry their ID badges at all times, and most locked doors on campus can only be opened by swiping one's badge. Often people forget their even wearing their badges, and seeing employees wandering around Redmond in the evenings with forgotten badges hanging from their hips is not an uncommon sight.
I noticed there are three ways people wear their badges:
- Attached to their belts.
- This is the most common, and convenient way. Most of the scanners on doors are at waist-height, and the badges are on retractable cords, so opening doors is as easy as pulling, swiping, and letting go.
- In their wallets.
- I guess some employees feel showing off their badges make them look like dorks, so they hide them. When they need to open doors, they either pull out and swipe their wallets (the scanner is strong enough to penetrate even the finest deer hide), or try to swipe without taking their wallets out. The latter is always fun to watch. If the wallet is in their back pocket, they do the 60s dance The Bump with the door jamb, or if the wallet is in their front pocket, they gyrate their groin in front of the scanner, giving quite the show for anyone on the other side of the glass doors.
- Around their necks.
- This is the least common, and most obvious way to wear one's badge. Beaming with the pride of working at the world's richest software company, these employees carry their badges attached to wide shoelace-like necklaces not unlike how college students carry their dorm keys to the communal shower.
So if anyone happens to see me at a restaurant, or maybe at the mall some weekday evening, feel free to let me know if I look like a dork. You can also tell me to take my badge off.
Comments
I would say that you've always been kind of dorky and that a card hanging from your person probably wouldn't make that big of a difference on whether I comment. Bring back the Lennon stylings!
Posted by: ian at March 10, 2004 9:43 PM
Ouch, Ian. I'm feeling compelled to defend my man. He has very trendy new Ralph Lauren jeans, and therefore must not be a dork.
Posted by: Teresa at March 11, 2004 7:31 AM
Ian, I'll bring back the Lennon styles if you bring back the ponytail and muttonchops.
Posted by: Chris at March 11, 2004 4:01 PM
Done and Done. and I mean done!
And for T: don't try to impress me with your (brand) name-dropping, jeans are jeans, except for Denver Hayes, they're crap
Posted by: ian at March 11, 2004 4:55 PM
Okay, now somebody throw a punch!
Posted by: Rew at March 11, 2004 7:58 PM
I've been perusing your web site and had a laugh over your thoughts on Americans. I can relate as I once lived in the good 'ole U.S. of A.
Just to let ya know, those shoe-lace like necklaces are called lanyards. Very common amongst health care workers for wearing their I.D. tags.
Posted by: Deb at March 17, 2004 7:45 PM
Thanks for the vocab tip Deb!
Posted by: Chris at March 18, 2004 7:09 AM