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November 13, 2005
I Only Watch The Weather Channel
Ever since I moved to my current apartment, I have been without a television. I’m not writing about this to tell you all about some sort of life decision I’ve made, or how TV is the downfall of society, I just personally don’t feel I need one in my life right now. The reason I bring it up, is because in the Seattle neighbourhood of Capitol Hill, I can’t bring it up without bizarre one-upmanship from people who claim not to watch TV. A typical conversation goes like this:
A: "Did you see that commercial with the monkey wearing the hat?"
Me: "No."
A: "Seriously? I mean it’s on all the time."
Me: "Actually, I don’t have a TV."
A: "Oh... well, I only watch mine on weekends."
Me: "Um, ok."
B: "I have a TV but I don’t have cable."
Me: "So what about this monkey commercial?"
C: "The only reason I have cable is so I can watch The Daily Show. The rest of the time I keep my TV unplugged."
Me: "Uh... That’s great."
For some reason, people need to try to justify to me their possession of a television set. It’s like they need to convince me that they’re not couch potatoes. The truth is, I don’t give a shit.
There are some TV shows I do enjoy, and when I want to talk to my Capitol Hill friends about them, the conversation is reminiscent of the conversation from Pulp Fiction between Jules and Vincent about pilot episodes, but with none of the chemistry:
Me: "That reminds me of a great Family Guy joke. Do you know the show?"
D: "I don’t watch TV."
Me: "Fine... but are you aware of this humorous animated television program?"
D: "My life is too busy to sit in front of a TV all night."
Me: "You’re an asshole and I hate you."
So to avoid any further awkward conversations, keep this in mind: I may not have a TV, but if there’s an interesting program you want to tell me about (or a commercial involving a monkey), I’d love to hear it, and I promise not to bring up the fact I don’t have a TV. If the subject comes up, promise me you won’t tell me the only reason you have a TV is for your cat.
Comments
What's a TV?
Posted by: johnzo at November 13, 2005 10:27 PM
Damn it, boy! Stop keeping it to yourself! What happened in that freakin' monkey commercial??
Posted by: mark at November 14, 2005 4:25 AM