« The Pain, The Pain Of It All | Main | Unequal But Opposite Reaction»

September 9, 2002

They Stole My Teeth!

It's been a long time coming. The removal of all 4 of my wisdom teeth. No, they were not yet coming though the gums, nor were they inpacted or painful, but since my insurance only covers dental while I am a student under the age of 25 I decided to get it done now. My brother's wisdom teeth got infected 3 months after he graduated from college, and had to pay the whole $1500 himself, so I decided I was better safe than sorry. It turns out I'm both safe and sorry.

My girlfriend Angela came to pick me that Friday morning and bring me to the oral surgeon. I had never had surgery that required a general anesthetic before, so I was a little nervous as I walked into the office. The receptionist asked Angela if she would be waiting there for me, or if she would be going out and coming back in an hour. Ang said she would be going out to run some errands, and just like that she was gone, leaving me alone. I heard a faint "Bye Chris" as the door closed behind her. Well, that's encouraging.

I filled out the necessary paperwork, then followed the dental hygienist to The Chair of Pain. She attached electrodes to my body and a pulse monitor to my finger, all the while cheerfully talking about Frosh week and complimenting me on my sandals. Then the good doctor came in. He also made small talk, but of a very technical nature. He asked about my work at Microsoft, how I enjoyed it, then out of the blue:

Doctor: "Do you know who invented the C programming language?"
Me: "Um, no. Sorry."
Doctor: "What about C++?"
Me: "That was Bjarne Stroustrup."
Doctor: "Oh, was he the guy who invented Linux?"
Me: "No, that was Linus Torvalds."
Doctor: "Have you ever used Linux?"

The conversation went on like that while the hygienist attached an oxygen mask to my nose, and inserted a needle into my left hand.

Doctor: "You're not going to fall asleep yet, but these drugs will make you feel a bit weird..."

The next thing I remember was lying on a cot with Angela at my side and a mouthful of bloody gauze. At that moment, I found it extremely important to find out two things:

What drugs did they give me?
A morphine substitute and a valium substitute. Delicious.
What did they do with my teeth?
Apparently what they do with all the teeth they extract: put them in a big ole bucket o' teeth.

I wanted to persue the bucket question, but I had to use the rest of my concentration to walk to the car without falling over.

Ang brought me to the pharmacy to fill out my codeine prescription. She wanted me to wait in the car, but I had other plans. Once in the drug store, I danced down the aisles to the muzak, while I picked out shampoo, razors, and other toiletries. I was feeling great. Apparently I was getting stares from the other patrons, probably due to the gauze hanging out of my mouth, and the fact I let everyone know of the euphoric state I had reached. I bought the items on debit (after only getting declined once), then we headed to Ang's place. I crashed on her bed and immediately fell asleep. Ang, the saint, came in every hour to change my gauze.

A few hours later I actually got up, the euphoria gone, but my face still numb from the novocaine. Ang fed me pudding and mashed potatoes and we watched TV, occasionally stopping to change my gauze and give me codeine.

Two days later, I'm swollen like a chipmunk, slightly bruised and almost out of codeine. I sent my roommate Ryan out to fetch me some more (at least he didn't charge me for the ride to the pharmacy). I'm still in a lot of pain, extremely tired (codeine wearing off every 4 hours makes a great alarm clock), but I'm sure I'll be fresh as a daisy for my 5.5 hours of class tomorrow.

00:00 | Misc Rambling


hey bud, amazing story.
you won't have imagined how i found this entry. a google search of "and just like that she was gone" a quote i remembered from forest gump. ( great movie ) and well. the first page turned up with matches from your entry. you're one lucky guy to have a girl like that. and as you mention all this teeth crap. i think i might be on my way to getting mine out soon.

Posted by: zach at January 16, 2004 5:16 AM

The views and opinions expressed on this website are those of Chris Lyon and do not reflect those of his employer. This site is provided as-is, with no warrantees or guarantees. For entertainment purposes only.